“Hey babe, you’re chill like my froyo”
In the past year, five new frozen yogurt shops have opened up for business in my home town. For months, frozen yogurt was a hot topic of conversation. I’m sure dozens of relationships blossomed after the conversational ice-breaker, “Why the darn heck do we have so many frozen yogurt shops all of the sudden?” Because it’s a smart way to get business. That’s why. Frozen yogurt shops don’t require that much space; just some yogurt machines, tables and a topping bar will do. Bam. Smart business. Frozen yogurt shops only need like, one staff member at a time. Bam. Smart business. Everyone likes sweet things! Old people, young people, married people, lonely people, people on dates, people with kids! Bam. Smart business. If I get old and unhappy and financially unstable like this lady,
I’m starting a yogurt shop. It’s just smart business.
Mmm sexy smooth.
The act of shaving involves scraping one’s legs with sharp blades. This is not natural. It’s actually sort of odd. Shaved legs and armpits on women has become expected, and criticized if one does not participate! Men have hairy legs. Men have hairy armpits. It would be considered strange if they did shave their limbs. I find this unfair. So, I encourage the acceptance of this natural phenomenon, and any female who bears the hair of honor should be proud. However, if you enjoy a good shaven calf, or you start to smell a little funky, by all means, shave! Just remember, if you find yourself in the locker room with a leg full of prickles and your friends full of giggles, stand up for yourself. Remind them that you are one wonderful, Earth-born human being! No female should be expected to remain sexy smooth every damn day.
Sadly, I’ve found myself the only girl on an 8 member improv team. Why is it girls don’t try improv or comedy in general? Why do we insist on letting the boys have all of the fun? I’ve concluded that it’s just the way we’ve been raised. Instead of learning to be ourselves, we’re learning to be females. Girls are supposed to be delicate, quiet, small, pretty, knowledgeable and decent. Today’s ladies are too conscious of their eternally socially imperfect bodies to allow themselves freedom on stage. Improv is about becoming someone else, perhaps something ugly, dumb, or even masculine! And you cannot become someone else without being chill with yourself first. When I ask other females to try out for the improv team, they just say “oh, I’m not funny.” But really girls, that’s just an excuse not to try. Improv is not about being funny or making jokes. It’s all about sharing stories, being creative, and using your body and voice as a medium to your imagination. Improv comedy is best when one is LOUD and unafraid to use their BODY in weird, wacky ways, completely becoming their character, and not worrying about DECENCY. Men seem to be blessed with the ability to make fools of themselves, when really we’re all fools, it just depends on how you choose to embrace it.